Thursday 13 #1--Signs that you need a Button!

13 signs you might need a DorkBloggers button:

1) If you've ever had to go coatless in the winter because every time you put your winter coat on you couldnt figure out how to get the sleeve back in the arm without flailing around like a restrained mental patient .

2) If you've ever had to explain damage to anything using the phrase "the puddle of coffee in my car."

3) If your friends use your name as a verb or action word: as in- you've pulled a jen or you've been crse'd.

4) If you've somehow created complicated avoidant relationships with everyday service providers like the mail carrier or the guy who runs the drive thru at the pharmacy.

5) If you've ever stopped a line or the flow of traffic due to some sort of awkward behavior on your part (this can be anything from dropping the milk in the grocery store to finding yourself having to go back and overexplain to a cashier why you accidentally told them you loved them after making small talk during your transaction)

6) If you've ever had to dry off or scrape off a bill, check or credit card before using it again.

7) If you've ever had someone come up to you and say, "I saw your car door hanging open in the parking lot, I was going to shut it but then I realized it was your car and god knows what you have going on in there so I didn't want to touch it before I told you."

8) If friends, co-workers and or loved ones cringe when you put your stuff near theirs because they are afraid you will spread your disorder to them.

9) If you've ever accidentally harmed yourself, set a fire, created flooding, or glued yourself to something because of a bad decision.

10)If you've ever created non work related spreadsheets, graphs or charts to prove a point about something.

11) If you've ever had a conversation during which you gradually develop the sinking feeling that youve somehow completely inadvertantly made a pass at the person and there is no way to undo it. (this is especially bad when it happens with someone like an elderly woman or your insurance agent)

12) If you've ever purchased something you did not need, solely because you like the packaging

13) If you've had to comment on the comment you just posted.

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Stay tuned!

Jen and I are feverishly working on developing ideas to make this more than just a badge or button. We want this to be your own personal dorkhaven. Some stuff we have come up with includes celebridorks (Jen's phrase LOVE IT) Dorks in History. Dorky moments in time. And spots where we can maybe have you folks participate in a featured dork of the week? Or top dorky moments? Or perhaps even dorkfessions? Feedback folks! UNITED WE STAND er fumble with our belongings tripping on ourselves and knocking things over.....

I'm sorry, Big O!

So It begs the question--Maybe parents really are to blame? In giving my son a haircut that made him look like Friar Tuck, was I perpetuating dorkdom?

(The hair on top stood straight up, there was no chance of bangs like Turnip, so I just cut around the edges. It probably would have helped to use a bowl.)

dorkbloggers kids....

Ok so far we have:
1. wee mullet (complete with wee failed rock band and wee drinking problem)
2. Monks gone wild (the friars got into the wine cellar and got a little crazy with the scissors)
3. Um...not to mock your kid but....
Feel free to vote on your favorite and stay tuned for big O's first coif.

Can I get a witness?

You know, online, you can claim to be anyone you want. People often do.

Bambi469, who enjoys spankings and pink champagne? She's the cross-eyed kid from walgreens who sold you wart cream last week.
DonJuan4U, who enjoys long walks on the beach and working as a personal trainer to the stars? He's scratching his beer belly, adjusting his astrological medallions and splashing on a little more wild badger musk, before he makes his run to 7-11 to troll for chicks.

I looked at the blogging collectives, but I could never find one that didn't feel like false advertising. There are lots of mama based blogrolls. I am a mama. But I am more than a mama, and quite frankly, not cool enough to claim membership to some of these. They blog with an air of urbane sophistication, and polished wit that I cannot begin to fathom. There are faith based collectives, or techno-babble societies...again, I am out of the loop.

I could join, and pretend, but I'd forever be afraid of being cast out, having my button revoked, and revealed as an imposter. Quite frankly, I started blogging as an outlet, and if I have to fake it here, too, then I've defeated the whole purpose.

Dorkbloggers will never revoke your button. Because everyone has those dorky moments (okay, some more than others), we just declare it upfront. You don't have to be a total dork (although I am), you just have to be familiar with the thought process--it can go one of two ways:
1> I cannot believe I just did/said that, maybe no one will notice.
2> I cannot wait to tell (insert best friend's name here) that I did/said that. What a dork I am!

In case number one, you have yet to embrace your inner dork. It's time to let go and just roll with it!
In case number two, you've probably already blogged about it, may even have had a t-shirt made. You, my friend, need a dorkbloggers button.

qualifications

I think there may be some misunderstanding about how one qualifies for dorkbloggers. All you really need to do is accept your inner dorkiness. And blog. Say you know a lot of java script but cant recite lines from all six star wars episodes on command? You my friend are still a dork. Say you know zero about writing code or web design and nothing from sci-fi but you embarrass yourself in public on a regular basis? Welcome dorky one. Youve found your home.

First Button!

The first Button, provided By the lovely Denise at Moodswing Creations, can be put on your blog using the following code:

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com"$$img src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/DeniseTN/dork1.gif"$$/a$

Just swap the $$$'s for <><><>.

OR


Can be had by typing in this:

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com"$$img src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/DeniseTN/button2.gif"$$/a$

You get the idea, now...


The graphic came from Cool Text--have you been there? Much fun...

The Cult of Chuck

You must know that as Dorks, we adore the Cult of Chuck. Jen would like to add that the Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual can probably fill in for Chuck at anytime.

Not familiar witht the cult of Chuck?
Here are some examples:

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
If You Have 5 Dollars And Chuck Norris Has 5 Dollars… Chuck Norris Has More Money Than You.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

How Cool are You?

Because damn, I'm too lazy for a blogroll yet!

And I feel like you guys should have a button before we make it permanent!

Welcome to Our world!

What do you do if you are MORE than just a Mommy (or not a mommy at all), but less than the web definition of a geek (you know all the words to the Star Trek intro, but nothing about javascript or any other code)?

You, my friend, may be a DORK.

But Jen, you ask, why do I need to be put into a box at all?

If you want blog traffic, they want to know who you are and what you stand for--I can't help you with that. But if you want a cool button to proudly proclaim your dorkiness, I am working on one...

Please leave all suggestions for graphics in comments, but let's not get, um, graphic.

'Kay?

I was thinking a unicorn might be a nice dorky start, but hit me with some alternatives, because I may not be THAT much of a dork.