Could I BE more dorky?- And things not to say in front of the family.
Yesterday we picked the MIL up from the airport- she was returning from a 5 day visit with the SIL- we were all over joyed to see her. ;) While we were waiting for her plane to land John (the Male Income Support Unit and beloved husband) mentioned that he was surprised that I had decided to come.
"I'm just here to eat, " I winked, "Don't tell her I said that, though." I knew the MIL would offer to buy us dinner, so taking an hour drive to and an hour drive back was worth it.
About 15 minutes later the MIL came strolling past security, and hugs were given all around.
"I'm so happy you all came!" she exclaimed... and just seconds later Anna (my 6 yr old) says, while thumbing in my general direction," She's just here to eat."
Oh really, the MIL says while I try to pretend like it's no big deal that my daughter is getting a kick out of watching me turn red. "Why did you tell her that? " I whispered.
"Because I thought it would be funny."
Oh dear. What . Have . I . Done. My daughter, having always been wise (and sarcastic) beyond her years, has gleaned at this tender age that there is enormous entertainment value in humiliating your gene pool. I have no idea where she got that from.
"Yup," I try to say casually," I'm just here for the food." I wink at the MIL, and then hiss at Anna that she wasn't supposed to share that little tidbit.
Fast forward about an hour, while we sit enjoying our various forms of cooked meat. A BeeGee's song comes on and John and I exchange snickers because while I was in the shower I had told him that I want a BeeGee's Cd, then we heard one of their songs in the car on the way over. My MIL looks up at me, of course and gives me a questioning look.
"Well," I gulp down a piece of prime rib,"I was just telling John today that for Mother's Day I would like a BeeJay-"
Oh God. Why must I insist on opening my mouth? I sit there trying to hide behind my hands, with my mouth open, turning every shade of red. I really should take up sign language... but then there is always the possibility that I will tell someone that "it's very nice to mate" them, or some such thing.
My MIL doesn't skip a beat, and shrugs," I thought that that was a traditional Father's Day present, but OK." I'm guessing she is holding a grudge for the "just here to eat" comment.
If you know me, I tend to say the most ridiculous things when under stress and at times of extreme embarrassment, sometimes to bring the focus off of me. And sometimes just because I'm and idiot. " Uhh, well... I read on the net that a guy invented a holiday just for guys. It's called Steak and BJ Day."
Why. WHY? Why do I do it?
"Well, you've got your steak. My part is done," my MIL says matter of factly, pointing at John with her steak knife, with a smirk. She's known me 19 years, I guess nothing shocks her anymore.
I bet you can't guess what happened next? Yup, I opened my mouth again. I have a problem.
"I'm guessing that moms aren't usually part of the equation on Steak and BJ Day," I manage, wanting to stick my fork in an appendage to make it all stop. Bad mental image. BAD!
The MISU, not being very fond of discussing the possible goings on of his nether regions becomes very rigid and motionless. Of course I try to explain about wanting a BeeGee's CD not a BeeJay, but I am stammering and laughing nervously at the same time, John just shakes his head- as he is accustomed to doing- and a barely perceptible smile passed his lips after I stare in his direction for a seconds on end... for signs of life and a hint that he isn't thinking about killing me at that moment.
A few minutes of me wanting to die later, he says, "Beejays on Mother's Day? YES! I'm in."
I'm thinking my husband is considering hog tying and tranquilizing me brefore he lets me out of the house the next time.
Happy Mother's day to me.
