DorkBloggers-Come to the Dork Side...

Conan...Shatner...and a Poem

2009-07-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Oh, the shame.

2009-02-20T00:26:00.001-08:00

I have a secret to confess.

I really can't believe I'm going to tell you this.

Kristy, my world music loving friend, you should look away. I'm about to expose the shallow end of my musical gene pool.

I need to quit stalling.

Friends, all two of you still reading this FB orphaned blog, I have a weakness.

A prediliction, if you will.

I've tried to stop. I've tried immersion therapy in the good stuff, trying to cleanse my palate. (Jeebus, is that spelled right?)

But...but...I kind of, um, well, I may have spent more money on bad euro pop than on anything with a guitar in it. Music seems like such an indulgence, and because my tastes are sort of thrash-y I tend to leap at anything lighter.

Which is how I ended up with:

Robbie Williams

Lilly Allen

and

Freaking Lou Bega (Oh, the shame)

I also purchased my first Madonna album as she was going through her cowboy/Ali G phase.

I'm dorky for Spock ;)

2008-12-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

WTH is going on here? It's so quiet! I just wanted to share some dork love with my fellow Dork Bloggers with a little sumpin sumpin...

moar funny pictures

Hugs,
~teh mert

How do I know I'm a dork?

2008-10-15T10:45:00.001-07:00

Because I am singing the tune from the Mos Eisley cantina.

Not singing it WELL, but today it is on an endless loop in my brain.

Dork Pride, baby.

I heart Chewbroccoli.

2008-09-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Tabba, a fellow Dorkblogger.

In honor of Little O's current favorite Joke:

2008-09-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

It's Stumble madness!

I found it here.

Chicken Philosophy

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be
discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll
find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be
of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to
itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into
the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being
which
caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement
formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable
occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the
(censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: Well,...................

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself
of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Mishima: For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its
sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of
the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden
sexual desire for their exquisite comrade. The dark courage of the
chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck
by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the
deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no
more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero,
whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some
chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right
under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and
thinking about his family.

Camus: The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really
upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he
crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.

John Sununu (again): I would argue that the chicken never crossed the
road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton
Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture
policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road?
Where, Michael?

Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken
crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the
chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and
mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled
now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
John.

Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs
up!

Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the
chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the
chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English!
Thumbs down.

Michael Kinsley: But you both agree it did cross the road, right?
See, John. I'm right as usual

okay, more of an ass than a dork.

2008-08-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

But it made me laugh.

I "stumbled" upon it and it was titled "This is Why You Don't Show Off"

Dork offspring, nature, and, well, boogers of course

2008-08-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been awhile... I just thought I should share this story. I posted this at my blog, but I'm reposting for your reading pleasure. Get your tissues ready, it's a real humdinger. *sniff*

Emma has recently (meaning the last 3 months) learned to employ new torture tactics. At the first sign of any adversity (meaning anything not going her way), she screams (meaning blood curdling, horror movie ,shrieks of despair).

John has been out of town for mandatory training since last Sunday, and the children of the corn have been most disagreeable in his absence, to the point of the gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair... and eventual fantasies of joining the witness protection program on his return.

Which would be today, thank you Jesus.

Anywho, digressions aside...Emma shrieked today and I decided that the penalty, henceforth, shall be instant and immediate time out.

No pleas, no excuses... *imagine me saying, with my "talk to the hand" salute* BUP BUP BUP! Time out!

So, she sits a few feet away from me on her Little Tykes picnic table, demanding a tissue.

"Nope," I say, "we are outside, and you are in time out. I'm not going inside just to get a tissue."

"But I need a tissue..." She produces a largish boog on her pointer finger.

"Bah!" I shrink back a little , only because, OK the booger was massive, "Use nature's tissue. Here's a leaf." I pluck a leaf from the weeds nearby.

"OK," she says giggling, relishing the thought of wiping her boog on greenery.

Oh my, -I think-... what have I begun.

I start in on sharing a wondrous piece of history with my precious babe, "You know, there was a time when people didn't have toilet paper. They had to use leaves. Can you imagine that?"

I look over at Emma , just as she replies "nope", and just in time to find her wrapping a leaf around her boog finger and sticking it up her nose tissue style.

" No," I yell, "Your supposed to... I meant..." This is where I begin to try to hide my amusement and stifle hysterical laughter.

And fail miserably, as usual.

She stops, looking up at me as I try to compose myself and my words, waiting...

With the leaf still stuffed up her nose.

Some how I'm thinking that the fine art of "leaf blowing" was not included in Dr. Spock's book. Or parenting 101. But, I am proud to have taught her to appreciate the great outdoors.

Silver lining people, silver lining.

Emma, last month, enjoying ham-ing it up for the camera. I think she inherited the class clown gene from her momma.
God help us.

I feel so dirty...

2008-03-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

The commercial with the overworked personal assistant who fills the supermodel's water bottle with the hot tub water of hairy-lounge-lizardy old men?

Makes me happy.

Have you ever played evil tricks on people? If so, what is your all time favorite? Are there any that you'd NOT do if you could go back? My brush with the pink slip wasn't ACTUALLY evil, it was just taken that way by the evil accountant...

Dorkus Pinkslipus

2008-02-26T22:55:00.000-08:00

Ah, friends, it's been a while since I've had something worthy of the Dorkbloggers pantheon of truly bad moves.

But I am Dork, hear me stutter and stammer and try to explain.

See, it's like this. There's this stupid box of tampons in the ladies room at work. They were donated by my arch nemesis, the Eeeeeevil Accountant. To stress her benevolence, she put a note on them.

The note said "Anyone can use."

Anyone? I think not.

I smirked at this stewpid note for weeks, and finally, I could resist no more. I wish I could say that I searched far and wide for an alternate picture, but I didn't. I used the one I knew I had at work, the one of the Uber Boss and I at Halloween. I cut myself out of the picture, put a question mark in a little bubble over his head, and taped it onto the note so he was laughing as he read her note.

I started freaking world war three. An international incident. Severing all diplomatic ties and withdrawing the staff from the embassy. Anyone staying in country would be on their own.

Rather than take it the way I had intended it, as a dig at the author of the note, the Eeeevil accountant decided that someone had called the Uber bosses' masculinity into question, and she rushed it to him. Presented in such a scandalized, hysterical tone, everyone interpreted it the same way she had. What the?

Oh, shit, wait, no, that.. um... hey, no one was looking at the mild mannered dork at the front of the bus, because they all read vicious evil intentions into the damned thing. I could just skate by unscathed...not.

I tried all day to speak to the Uber boss alone, to explain how hideously wrong it had all gone, but HIS boss was there, too. I finally sent him an email, and he called me while I was on the phone. I trudged to his office to grovel, and he LAUGHED at me as I closed the door.

The Uber Boss, being the coolest guy ever to get stuck in management, saw exactly where I had been trying to go. He appreciated that I told him that there wasn't some employee secretly carrying out weird grudges against him, just a dork with no sense of foresight.

My Friends, based on the office hysteria, I totally dodged a pink slip today, due to my dorky nature. Thank you lord tiny baby jeebus for giving me a boss with a sense of humor. (I put on a bald cap two years ago and took a picture sitting at his desk with my feet up--this may have been my second close call).

Dear Al Gore...

2008-01-24T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today......my dorkiness got the better of me and I posted a few entries to Al Gore. They focused largely on my brushing and shoveling several inches of global warming off my car and driveway.

I believed he'd respond.........I feel soiled...used and dirty....:)

Even dorks have bad hair days ;)

2007-11-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

This self-proclaimed dork (SighlentJ on Flickr)has wayyyyy too much time on his hands. I am digging his dorky do's though. Click the link to read about his misadventures in mane management.

Edit to add: I just found another picture of his that I love, click here to see it and read what it's about... I think I might just have a new dork crush. Sorry Conan!

I blame Stumble.

2007-11-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

On Michigan and fruit flies......

2007-11-17T04:14:00.000-08:00

OK...so this is a little embarrassing, but I have a confession. My house and I have a battle going on now with a vermin known as FRUIT FLIES!!...Long deep music score.

Michigan has had a real problem with them this year, but thats no real consolation when your kids toss something in the trash bin...and they get kamakazeed by 150 of the lil bastards.....which ofcourse means I had to man up..

My 1st move was to simply move the trash outside, simple yes? No trash, lil bastards would die off. So that plan failed as I noticed that a single lemon rind could breed 300 a day.....

My 2nd...and I think my most brilliant move........was to go old school. I took the bold step and decided bug spray was bad, my mom never used it......my mom had a better solution......it was called.....Aqua Net...

My mom went through 5 cans of Aqua Net a week, cig in one hand and can in the other....we all lived...no bugs....surely.......this plan can not go wrong!!! I mean it's perfect........airborn glue sticking to their wings and your hair......they should and would drop like...well...flies!!

A trip to the store and some questions quickly led me to the realization that I could no longer buy Aquanet...and the 20 sumfin girl looked at me like I had clubbed a baby seal for even suggesting it. This was depressing.

I settled for a can of Suave, extra hold. Suave extra hold......is a hairspray that no only does not kill fruit flies, but gives them a natural gloss and shine. They seem to like it. Do not buy this hairspray to kill fruitflies!!!! They eat it!!!

I felt old....and grumpy when I admitted defeat, then went to ace hardware, bought a can of flying insect kill spray. My wife is still chuckling.........

Just borrowing from the wonder that is Stumble...

2007-10-22T13:54:00.001-07:00

Oh, God.

Happy Birthday!

2007-08-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

I notice today as I sign in that today is Blogger's birthday.
More significantly, our own hysterical Survivalist Extraordinaire--Empress of Clinical Dysfunction, The Mayor, if you will, of Dorkbloggers, CRSE, has had a Birthday.

IF I had not spent the last year and a half snorting and laughing my way through her blog posts, I would still have to go read anyone who titled their Blog "Zamphir Panflutemaster."

Long live the Panflute.

Go send her some love.

Dear Conan-

2007-08-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

You have now officially one-upped that Rozerum commercial with the beaver and Abe Lincoln (and an astronaut?).

I may need to bleach my frontal lobe to get out the image of Abe all nekkid and strapped up with a ball gag in his mouth.

I hope I do NOT see this in my dreams.

xoxo,

Jen

meow.

2007-07-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

Bring out Yer DORK! Bring out Yer DORKK!!!

2007-07-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

Friends, it's that time again.

The contest last time was exhausting, and frankly, this puppy snuck up on me. So we'll just call this a Dorkk Off. Share a dorky story, and leave a link to it in the linky box below. This time around, we'll automatically add you to our dorkroll in the sidebar for participating, and we don't care if it's fresh dork. Link to your favorite post about the time you walked into something or accidentally flashed your in-laws.

Have fun with it, and warn us if it's got adult content or your site is not safe for work, pleaase!

Um, one upsmanship is encouraged.

2007-07-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

Blogger's having seizures, I can't title this. Just click the text box for random (sometimes eerily appropriate) slogans.

I heart dorkiness in all forms.

2007-06-27T20:18:00.000-07:00

This stuff is so cool.

I am, unfortunately, too techno impaired to get a picture directly onto this blog to show you.

Story of my life...

Okay, it needs to be addressed.

2007-06-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

*****This post is not for the faint of heart*****

It has been brought to my attention that Dork is an old whaler's term for this.

Zig, I thought you'd appreciate that fact.

There are also sites de-bunking this as an urban legend, but nobody said it was a scientific term.

If that thing is pre-hensile, I'm gonna be REALLY grossed out.

(I put up the Dorksignal for myself, because I just googled "dork, Whale Penis")

Things you should know:

2007-06-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Dorkblogggers!

Dorkblogggers are black with white stripes, not white with black stripes.
In Eastern Africa you can buy beer brewed from Dorkblogggers.
On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Dorkblogggers.
The Eskimos have over fifty words for Dorkblogggers!
All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Dorkblogggers.
Dorkblogggers can be seen from space!
The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention Dorkblogggers.
Olive oil was used for washing Dorkblogggers in the ancient Mediterranean world.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Dorkblogggers!
Dorkblogggerology is the study of Dorkblogggers.

My Honey says this confirms my Dorkk Status.

2007-06-09T16:57:00.000-07:00

I love this list.

He may be right.

I tried to pick a favorite.

I think I know mine--what's yours?

Dorky AND gassy. Who would have thunk it.

2007-06-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

If you've read my blog, you know that I will sometimes divulge a little TMI. It can't be helped, but just to warn you (as if the title of this post didn't), this post is about bodily functions... Proceed at your own risk. :D

Last night I went to bed after the hubs. I'm a night person, always have been. So after messing around with some new Photoshop Elements plugins, and deciding that I look too old to be without bangs unless I spend the necessary 20 minutes on my hair- and knowing that there was no way in heck I was about to do that every day when I have more important things to do, like blogging- I stayed up another 30 minutes debating over cutting my grown out bangs then finally doing it.

So basically, I was up another 45 minutes more than the hubs, and since I was standing so close to the bathroom mirror/light fixture, when I finally made my way to the bedroom I was pretty well blind in the darkness.

I felt around and got into bed. It was so windy last night (hahaha, you'll see why I'm laughing in a minute) that I had a hard time getting to sleep. When I did drift off to sleep, the rumbling in my belly- and eventually my butt area- woke me up.

Goodness, I thought, it's a good thing that John decided to sleep in Anna's room (because she has asked him to), and I thought about how I try to save my poor husband misery sometimes and just hold it in at bedtime. But, I was alone and I was uncomfortable, so I just kept letting the rumblies out.

I managed to drift off to sleep until the next installment of natural effervescence, and managed to wake myself up again. This time I felt the bed move. Oh gawd, this is earth quake weather, and we have had one or two since moving to Iowa. The bed moved again, and I lay there very still waiting to see if it would get stronger and debating whether or not I should just go ahead and grab Emma out of her bed and stand in the door way.

Suddenly something touched my foot, I yelped... I look over and see my poor husband peeking at me through sleepy lids. It had been him moving the bed, not an earth quake... Oh frick, and I had been passing gas with reckless abandon for about a half an hour! I start to laugh.

I started to giggle now, and once I start I have a hard time stopping. My husband would drift off to sleep and I would start up again. "I'm sorry, I seem to be keeping you awake with all sorts of noises tonight, "I manged to get out through giggles.

"Not that I would know, " he chuckles,"I'm slowly being poisoned by methane over here."

Needless to say, that didn't help my giggle fits any. He was awake for another 15 minutes. After 18 yrs of marriage, I am embarrassed to be passing gas in front of the husband. Who would have thunk it.

dorky versus

2007-05-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've already said how much I love the cult of Chuck. I think this is hysterical:

10 Reasons Johnny Cash OWNS Chuck Norris

Reason 1.Only one man who has ever lived has been bad enough to be called “The Man In Black” and it wasn’t Chuck Norris

Reason 2.Johnny didn’t have to fight to be a bad ass. He just had to pick up a beer bottle and a guitar.

Reason 3.Norris made a bunch of films where he killed folks. Johnny Cash went to Folsom Prison and did a concert. You tell me which one takes more balls.

Reason 4.Chuck wasn’t the first of his kind to kick ass. Johnny was the first rock star to set something on fire. While most artists only set their hotel rooms on fire, Johnny took it one step further and burned down half a national forest.

Reason 5.When Chuck was five, he was a normal five year old. Johnny had already earned man points by working in his dad’s cotton fields. That is a true bad ass. By the time he was six, Cash did more hard work than most men do in their whole life.

Reason 6.Chuck never got stabbed in the back by a woman. Johnny never stopped bleeding. Chuck may have gotten punched a few times, but Johnny knew what real pain was.

Reason 7.Chuck is a republican. Johnny was close with every president except for GWB. It was said he just didn’t trust that son of a bitch. When Johnny didn’t trust someone, you just knew something foul was going on.

Reason 8.Johnny was invited to play the at White House in 1972 for Richard Nixon. He was given a list of politically correct songs to sing. He instead metaphorically threw up his middle finger at the establishment, in true ShoutWire fashion, and sang a set full of left leaning, politically charged tunes. Chuck Norris has never told the president to fuck off in his own house.

Reason 9.Chuck Norris made a lot of crappy movies. Johnny Cash never touched anything that didn’t turn to gold. In the 80’s, he made a song called “Chicken in Black” to get himself out of a record deal. Even that became popular.

Reason 10.Johnny is the only man in history to decline painkillers after a double bypass heart surgery. He knew he liked drugs too god damn much and wouldn’t stop. That shows power over an addiction previously not seen before. Kicking a ninja's ass is easy compared to kicking a drug's ass.

Dorky Friday.......

2007-05-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to not just ponder...but actively partake in mischief??? Time I guess will tell:)

Being both Dork, geek, and perv....not to mention bad at math via this sentence, I had a mischievous dork moment today.

The geek in me is attempting to hardwire an old stereo preamp and turntable to my pc...we have alot of old records we want to digitize. I was all cool and proud of myself for killing time while out of town for hitting up the local radio crap store to buy the proper cables...yak with the sales clerk...and hit the road home.

I'm about an hour into my return trip and dork moment hit me, I had bought the wrong ass cables!! Granted they were proper on paper...that they were rca one end...1/8 inch stereo the other......but the damn things were RCA male.......grrr. What to do.....what to do...hey..there's an ABC Warehouse......lets go peek!!!

Sure enough..they had the female to female rca adapters I needed...and cheap too. I can sneak outta here for less than $4 bucks....thats cheaper and less funny than toilet paper stuck to your shoe...this is a good day!

Then as the pretty young gal is ringing up my purchase while we flirt...it comes...the spanish inquisition..aka...fbi profile moment. "First Name?" ( hate this crap.....always followed by zip code and phone number...info you don't need to have to sell me $4 dollars worth of anything!! )

I did the only thing that seemed proper my mood at the time. I gave the name, zipcode and direct phone number of the boss that let me go this feb. I'm sure he'll enjoy the special offers coming his way soon!! :)

A rather disturbing post.....not for the squeamish...:)

2007-05-12T04:41:00.000-07:00

So I wake up bright and early to pick up some hours at a brand new job. It's part time, it's grunt work....but hell it's work, and it gets me off my ass. To tell ya the truth, I've been dreading this job. Not because of the work, but because I know most of these guys...and well, long story...but my stomach was churning.

Mistake one.....gorging on Pizza the night before.

Mistake two.....Gulping down a 16oz of cherry juice before leaving.

Mistake three...Mistaking the churning in my stomach for a need to sip my coffee while driving to the new job.

As I'm wiping the vomit off the dashboard with an old flannel shirt, pondering the texture and pretty colours, it occours to me to call the shop.

So I was late my 1st day, they were actually amused.....and I'm now very suspect of cherry juice!! :)

Could I BE more dorky?- And things not to say in front of the family.

2007-05-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we picked the MIL up from the airport- she was returning from a 5 day visit with the SIL- we were all over joyed to see her. ;) While we were waiting for her plane to land John (the Male Income Support Unit and beloved husband) mentioned that he was surprised that I had decided to come.

"I'm just here to eat, " I winked, "Don't tell her I said that, though." I knew the MIL would offer to buy us dinner, so taking an hour drive to and an hour drive back was worth it.

About 15 minutes later the MIL came strolling past security, and hugs were given all around.

"I'm so happy you all came!" she exclaimed... and just seconds later Anna (my 6 yr old) says, while thumbing in my general direction," She's just here to eat."

Oh really, the MIL says while I try to pretend like it's no big deal that my daughter is getting a kick out of watching me turn red. "Why did you tell her that? " I whispered.

"Because I thought it would be funny."

Oh dear. What . Have . I . Done. My daughter, having always been wise (and sarcastic) beyond her years, has gleaned at this tender age that there is enormous entertainment value in humiliating your gene pool. I have no idea where she got that from.

"Yup," I try to say casually," I'm just here for the food." I wink at the MIL, and then hiss at Anna that she wasn't supposed to share that little tidbit.

Fast forward about an hour, while we sit enjoying our various forms of cooked meat. A BeeGee's song comes on and John and I exchange snickers because while I was in the shower I had told him that I want a BeeGee's Cd, then we heard one of their songs in the car on the way over. My MIL looks up at me, of course and gives me a questioning look.

"Well," I gulp down a piece of prime rib,"I was just telling John today that for Mother's Day I would like a BeeJay-"

Oh God. Why must I insist on opening my mouth? I sit there trying to hide behind my hands, with my mouth open, turning every shade of red. I really should take up sign language... but then there is always the possibility that I will tell someone that "it's very nice to mate" them, or some such thing.

My MIL doesn't skip a beat, and shrugs," I thought that that was a traditional Father's Day present, but OK." I'm guessing she is holding a grudge for the "just here to eat" comment.

If you know me, I tend to say the most ridiculous things when under stress and at times of extreme embarrassment, sometimes to bring the focus off of me. And sometimes just because I'm and idiot. " Uhh, well... I read on the net that a guy invented a holiday just for guys. It's called Steak and BJ Day."

Why. WHY? Why do I do it?

"Well, you've got your steak. My part is done," my MIL says matter of factly, pointing at John with her steak knife, with a smirk. She's known me 19 years, I guess nothing shocks her anymore.

I bet you can't guess what happened next? Yup, I opened my mouth again. I have a problem.

"I'm guessing that moms aren't usually part of the equation on Steak and BJ Day," I manage, wanting to stick my fork in an appendage to make it all stop. Bad mental image. BAD!

The MISU, not being very fond of discussing the possible goings on of his nether regions becomes very rigid and motionless. Of course I try to explain about wanting a BeeGee's CD not a BeeJay, but I am stammering and laughing nervously at the same time, John just shakes his head- as he is accustomed to doing- and a barely perceptible smile passed his lips after I stare in his direction for a seconds on end... for signs of life and a hint that he isn't thinking about killing me at that moment.

A few minutes of me wanting to die later, he says, "Beejays on Mother's Day? YES! I'm in."

I'm thinking my husband is considering hog tying and tranquilizing me brefore he lets me out of the house the next time.

Happy Mother's day to me.

On Dorkiness and kitchen fires...:)

2007-05-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Fire.....not always the dorks best friend........but lets admit it...pretty fun to watch though eh? :)

This post is inspired by events that happend last night. The odd event that will forever be known...as the "Kitchen Fire".

Now friends, don't over react, the Zig household is no stranger to kitchen fires....infact, we've gotten pretty good at them....practice makes perfect and all..:)

Last night was different...things were mello....lovely wife and I were yakking, she decides to warm up some left over chicken. I love my wife...really I do, but she refuses to use the microwave for these types of things. Her stance...microwave makes it soggy....I didn't buy soggy fried chicken...granted she has a point.

So the chicken is in the oven.....and then the smell of smoke, Agrah runs into the kitchen and I hear..."ZIG!". This is never a good signal. Quick run to the kitchen, open the oven.....we are running a chicken creamatorium. My best edited version of what I said...WOW!! Thats a F***ing lot of flames......then I closed the oven door.

See....this is when I thought I was being sly, thinking the flames would get bored and run away.....run out of air...etc. I'm a guy..got this under control. I was wrong!! :)

I got curious...opened the oven door, which gave it more air, and *WOOF*...we still had chicken creamation in progress....this is when I decided to man up and do super cool man in control stuff.

I run to the fireplace and grab my super heat of steel mill foundry mit (rated at 600f) and open the stove....wife is holding the front door open by now and daughter is asking things like "mommy.....whats that smell", from her room.

I proudly walk through the dining room bearing a cookie sheet full of flaming chicken out the front door, to the sidewalk....and sigh. Keep in mind, I'm in PJ bottoms...no shirt...and a steel mill iron workers mit..

I think we scare our nieghbors.....the lovely wife wasn't hungry after that...house still smells like smoke....:)

Wordless Wednesday- You know it!

2007-05-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

Fashion Dorksaster vol 2

2007-05-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

Cutting Edge fashion Statement?

or

Damned Fool wearing the equivalent of the emperor's new necklace?

IF you cannot read the fine print in the corner, this stunning Yves Saint Laurent necklace is priced at $1165.00. No, I didn't stutter. Not only was this necklace made, but someone actually put a twelve hundred dollar price tag on it with a straight face. Did you ever see the episode of Lucy where Fred and Ricky trick the girls into wearing burlap sacks as the latest Paris fashions? Just wondering...

I dork, therefore I am.

2007-04-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

This is me as a little baby 'tween dork, ain't I cute?

I don't know if you guys have heard about the Blogger's Choice Awards, but they have all sorts of categories... EXCEPT Best Dork Blog/Blogger.

There is something seriously wrong in the world when they don't recognize dorks but have a category for Best Geek Blog. ;)

Anywhoo, I emailed the nice folks at the BCA:

I am one of many who are dorks, and a blogger, and belong to a blog called Dork Bloggers.

Will you include a Dorkiest blog/blogger in the future? I have a few friends who would nominate me for sure. :D

Thanks, Mary mert
Almost Somewhat Positive

I was very pleased and surprised that I received a response the very same day!

Hello, Mary! Thanks for getting in touch with us here at Blogger's Choice Awards. We certainly appreciate the input!

Hmmm, "Best Dork Blog." That's an interesting one! I think we're pretty much locked-and-loaded for this year, but I'll definitely keep this one in mind for next year, if we get demand for it! (If we keep adding new blogs everyday we'll have a 5-hour awards show at PostieCon! Ha ha!)

Again, thanks for the feedback! Have a great weekend!

Best,

Ashley K. Edwards
Blogger's Choice Awards

So, if you are interested in the BCA's having a Dork category for next year, please email them at
info(at)bloggerschoiceawards dot com.

Come on, who's with me? I know someone who just won a little contest that could have a lot of people emailing. *coughZIGcough* ;) No pressure, though. :D

So let me ask Y'all...

2007-04-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

Tragically Hip Fashion Forward Manpris

or

Big Ole Dork?

Ah, my dorklings, our first contest draws to a close...

2007-04-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

ZigZagMan, I think a speech is in order.

And the winner is....

2007-04-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

Zigzagman! Im leaving the poll up so you can add the results yourselves but it was pretty much a landslide. Congratulations ZZM and the rest of you? You are all dorkblogging royalty in my eyes!

The LAST DAY

2007-04-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

The Results from the last 24 hours are below the poll....

Two more days....who will be the dorkblogging prince/princess

Did You Ever Get The Feeling... 0% (0 votes)

A Shot in the Dark 0% (0 votes)

Mail Call 13% (2 votes)

Car Park 0% (0 votes)

Ash In Wonderland 0% (0 votes)

Kellyology 6% (1 votes)

Mish Mash 0% (0 votes)

Ramblings of Maggie 0% (0 votes)

Sports Princess 0% (0 votes)

Zig's Rants 63% (10 votes)

Zamphir Panflutemaster 13% (2 votes)

Deep In The Forrest 0% (0 votes)

A Sideways Look at Womanhood 0% (0 votes)

Me Myself and Eye 0% (0 votes)

Tales of a Rockdog In Training 0% (0 votes)

Not So Anonymous Confessions 0% (0 votes)

The Knut Hut 0% (0 votes)

Coo Coo 0% (0 votes)

Middle Aged Princess 0% (0 votes)

The Sirmarco Letters 0% (0 votes)

Mannerly Mutts 6% (1 votes)

A Little Night Music 0% (0 votes)

A Crazy Quilt Life/Sorting the Pieces 0% (0 votes)

Total voters for this poll: 16

dork counts

2007-04-17T05:38:00.001-07:00

Hey folks, Im sorry for the alarm about your counts being back to zero. I thought I explained it in the one post, but looking back, I realized I wrote that in an aborted draft. Here is the deal. For you to be able to vote every day, we have to shut the poll down and create a new poll. Otherwise, you only get to vote one time all week. Mert experimented with this at length to find a better way, but this is all we could come up with. What I will try to do tonight when I make the new poll is to post everyone's total vote count for the past two days next to their blognames. I completely apologize for the confusion. But before you string me up? Remember where you are. What would dorkbloggers be if the folks that ran the site were not dorks?

technical difficulties.

2007-04-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

we are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Voting will resume presently. Please check back soon for the update.

And we are back

2007-04-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, seriously?

The poll has apparently failed or been hopelessly corrupted.
We'll start over with a new poll every day. You will get one vote per IP address per day. We will provide stats at the end of each day for updates.
Since today is essentially over for our English friends, the new dates and rules are as follows:

1. Vote for yourself or your best friend or your kid or your dogwalker on the poll provided.

2. Voting will be extended until April 23rd, so we get a nice full week in.

3. If you are bitter and unhappy about the votes lost, well, so are we, kind of. Suck it up.

4. We DO want to reward faithfulness, so you may vote once a day every day.
5. There will be no dangling chads, no sniveling about the winner, or I will send you to your room--got it?

POLL MOVED TO TOP OF BLOG DUE TO FACTORS OF CHRONIC DORKINESS-------GO VOTE HERE. Poll will not change locations but subject line will indicate new poll with dates after the updates.

squeeee!

2007-04-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

The time has come to GET YOUR DORK ON! New poll above this post

2007-04-06T17:58:00.001-07:00

***Mert edit*** Due to some sort freaky dork-eaky poll mishaps, we have to start the poll over... We are sorry for the inconvenience. You will find a new poll and the edited rules above, click here. We thank you for your patience, not to worry- some lucky dork will win this thing... now go vote again! Scoot! :D ***

I realize I'm a week early, but there is Dorkxiety and stress about getting the posts up and the whole cursed day of doom thing.

Plus perhaps reading other people's tales of Dorkdom will inspire our reluctant Blogging friends.

Four simple rules, really.

1. Write a post on your blog, or provide a link to your dorkiest moment, if it has been previously blogged.

2. Top it with the fabulous Banners designed by Mert, or include a link to this post.

3. Enter your name and link in the linky box provided.

4. Go read other people's Dorkfessions, and vote anytime during the week of April 14-21.

The winner of the popular vote will get a $20 Amazon.com giftcard, and the custom winner button designed by Mert (the winner will get a button without the MERT watermark, of course.). And possibly some cheesy Dorkbloggers swag. Begging friends and family memebers to vote for you is encouraged.

Here are the entries:
1. Jen Factor 10
2. gretty
3. Kathi
4. Carrie Parker
5. Ash
6. Kellyology, a.k.a. Queen of Dork
7. Amy
8. amy
9. Maggie
10. Sports Princess
11. ZigZagMan
12. Crse
13. Jackie Wood (AuntJackie)
14. Miss Understood
15. rn_buffoon
16. RockDog
17. Michelle
18. Pippajo
19. Jill
20. winterskiprincess
21. middleagedprincess
22. Frank Sirmarco
23. mannerlymutts
24. Andrea
25. Cynthia
26. Jill of all Trades

Virtual Prom , baby!

2007-04-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all... I don't know if you saw my post over at ASP, but my blogging bud Karianne is having a Birthday prom to raise money for the adoption agency she got her son Becken from. I encourage Karianne to make a donate button through Paypal, and I got a Virtual Prom ticket by donating!

Anywhoo, Our Grand Dork Mistress Factor 10 came up the awesome idea:

Seriously. I love that notion, Maybe we can put up our favorite faux prom dress pics? This is what I would wear as the dork at the prom kind of thing?

OR, I was thinking, we could also post our own prom faux pas! :D Anyone game?

Ok, here is my dorky prom picture, and the story (dorksaster) behind it's dorkiness:

click to enlarge :/
This is prom date from hell numero dos, from my senior year.

This dress is the dress I wore the year before , to another person's prom. It was used, my mother bought it at a used dress shop. The first time I wore it, the guy didn't even really know me and I was a junior. He didn't have a date, so he started talking to me one day. A few days later he asked me to Prom, a week and a half before the dance. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I went and it was horrible. At dinner, the sever basically threw my prime rib dinner on the table, getting red, meaty juice all over the front of my used white dress.

All night he kept trying to vice grip me while dancing, and kept trying to press himself against me. I was a lot stronger than he thought... I got irritated and danced with a friend. He and his friends were mad at me for dancing with someone else, so they took my purse and held it over a candle. Nice. The whole way home, I argued with a guy I barely knew. Later, his mother called my mother and said I owed for my half of the dance tickets since I bailed on her son. My mother tried to make me pay, but I refused and told her what happened, that basically this guy thought I was a piece of meat because he "allowed me to go to prom with him" (I was nice enough to go with him at the last minute).

The next year I was a senior. I had broken up with my best friend/ boy friend because I was confused about my feelings for him, since we were friends for a long time before we dated. Anyway, I didn't have or want a date, and decided I wasn't going. My mother called a friend and boohoo'd that I didn't have a date, and my mother and this lady set me up with her son, who was 6 yrs older than me... that I kind of knew because he was a friend of the family, but not really.

I was humiliated and "wasn't allowed to refuse his offer to take me since he was going through all the trouble to take me". I showed up in his beat up Nova or Duster, in the same dress, complete with just barely hidden meat juice stains on the front because my mother was too cheap to buy a new dress for a prom I didn't want to go to.... and the night was pretty much like the first time I wore the dress. He was grabby, I was angry. He tried to get me to sit closer to him on the way home, and when I didn't he reached across me and grabbed a bottle of booze out of the glove compartment. That dress was cursed I tell you! I wish I knew the story behind who wore it the first time, I'm sure it's not pretty. BTW, who in their right mind wears a borderline wedding dress-ish dress to their prom?

Ahhh... good times! Had I gone with someone I wanted to go with, and with a new dress, I imagine my dress would have looked like this one (keep in mind it was 1987, PLEASE!), except with bigger , puffier sleeves:

Click it to enlarge

OH, THE HORR-RUH! ;)

So who else has the guts to post a faux prom dress pic? :D OR A REAL ONE? Heehee!

Please donate to Karianne's fund raiser if you can, and buy yourself some virtual prom tickets. Again, you can read about her journey to find love here and here and her idea for a Birthday Prom to raise money.

White N' Nerdy

2007-03-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

Keeping with our new theme song- BTW... Are we even worthy enough to use a Weird Al song? He makes my dorky heart go squeeee!- and with the Dork Side, I bring you these!

White, Pink N' Nerdy

White N' (a little dirty) Nerdy

White N' Nerdy Swingers

White N' Nerdy Darn Hilarious

But ASH, I love that word!

2007-03-27T13:41:00.001-07:00

I am in loooooove with Squee.
I want to marry it.
Don't stop, baby!
I only just found squee. I haven't even had a chance to make my kids sick of it.

I am also very fond of the phrase "butt-hurt" for that sensation of being wounded by a good friend. I KNOW I am taking it wrong, and I KNOW I'll pull my thumb out and get over it, but you know what? Right now I'm still a little butt-hurt.

I shudder to think of the origins of that phrase, but it is so very appropriate for that third-grader gut reaction to an unthinking comment or act.

Dork origins, Mert style

2007-03-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

I posted this on my blog too! :D

When I look back at my life, and all it's dorkfulness, I have no doubt of where my dork genes originate. That's right folks I said genes, plural. I think we all know by now that I am above average in the dork department.

I believe what they say is true to some degree... that we are a product of our environment, and I wonder to myself if the fact that my mother (whom I refer to most times as the "egg donor" because I hate calling her mom, because she sucked and doesn't deserve to be called that) is NUTS. Seriously, she has papers.

Anyway, I probably could keep you here all day reading about my dork origins, but I will tell you about the ones that are most prominent in my mind.

When I was about 15, my parents had decided that we kids needed a little culture and took us away from the redneck town we lived in to Annapolis. Annapolis is a beautiful city on the Chesapeake Bay that is famous for its quaint cobbled and bricked streets lined with town houses (for Yuppies), it's inner harbor with elegant restaurants and bay side views of the sail boats going by (owned by Yuppies), and the Naval Academy (which often housed of the spawn of Yuppies).

Being poor and unrefined, my mother (who had a nose for sniffing out bargains and freebies) thought that the best place for used to get a little taste of culture would an art gallery in downtown Annapolis. This art gallery just happened to be serving free wine and cheese! Well, imagine that. Me and my older brother were allowed to have a sip of free wine with our free cheese and crackers. Meanwhile, the egg donor enjoyed quite a bit of free wine with her free cheese and crackers.

My mother, always appreciative of a good piece of art, pointed to a painting of the Annapolis inner harbor and said, "Wook at da pwee-wee wah-wah!"

Roughly translated to : "Look at the pretty water!"

My dad quickly grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of the art gallery, and we kids followed closely behind with our eyes on the floor. My dad- having had considerable experience with free alcohol and it's affects- decided that mommy dearest should probably walk it off. My parents came up with yet another brilliant idea... why not take the whole family- including more than a little tipsy and inappropriate mommy- to the actual inner harbor? The place where the affluent strolled, and maybe even enjoyed a few quiet moments on their sailboat or yacht, and where Naval Academy plebes and midshipman sauntered in groups or with dates.

Sure, why not.

We went to a nautical store. This store had in its window a brass door knocker that my mother had been eying, in the shape of and anchor. My dad dragged her to the register, and my mother - the drunken egg donor- was elated and very pleased with herself for finally being able to afford the thing she had coveted for over a year.

As we walked by our station wagon on our way to a hat store called The Belfry- which I assure you, stuck out like... well a semi-redneck family trying to pretend that they were well off enough to even be there mingling with Maryland's upper crust- and just as a group of really cute midshipman walked by, mother loudly slurred that she needed to "put her knockers in the car".

The whole of Annapolis stopped to stare, and a hush fell over the city- but only after a collective gasp that was heard around the world. I looked over to the midshipman, who were all decked out in their dress whites and plainly said,

"I do not know that woman."

I did an about face and walked into another shop.

AND FINALLY, a story that I recant with fondness and light heart... well because it involves my dad...

Lets travel back in time to when I was about 12. My step-dad- who raised me from the age of 6, so I really consider him my dad, and was a geek computer programmer in the Air Force- was outside building his new fabulous tool shed. This shed was not just a shed, and in actuality it was probably at least 1/2 the size of the main floor of our house. With some help from friends, we had a foundation of cinder blocks and plywood over the support beams of the floor. My dad was happily working away outside on a sweltering morning as I brought his steaming cup of coffee out to him, because you see- my dad was a proud Okie, and drank coffee all year round.

While I was walking out to him, I noticed he was waving a hand around violently. I handed him his cup and giggled when I asked what he was doing. Evidently there was a big, ugly horsefly whizzing around him, stopping occasionally to light on his body and bite him. Oh, I said, well here's your coffee, dad.

I walked back inside, and a few minutes later we heard a yell come from outside. We ran outside to see if dad was hurt. It turns out that dear old dad had been fighting that horsefly for about a half an hour, and my dad had gotten so annoyed that he had even taken a couple of swings at the horsefly with the hammer in his hand. He whacked at the coarse and ugly bug with the hammer and missed several times.

"I finally got it, though, " My dad smiled and chuckled, thrusting his mighty hammer in the air in triumph with one hand and cradling his leg with the other, "But unfortunately it had landed on my shin."

Dork Origins, again.

2007-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

The scene:
1980 VW Rabbit, 2 door, thank you.
Four adults and a future Dork child, plus one full grown chocolate lab.
Two day trip from Northern California to Washington State.

The catch:
Three cassette tapes. Count 'em, THREE.
1) The soundtrack from the movie "The Sting"
2) Beach Boys Greatest Hits or something...
3) The 1812 Overture with Live (!) Cannons.

It's raining, and the dog has gas. My father is convinced he'll find a great radio station if he just keeps searching. and searching. Father also convinced that we can save money on hotels by just driving in shifts through the night. By three a.m. my reserved, dignified mother is punchy as hell and begins the lifelong odyssey known as Tongue-ducting. Can you picture it? Yes, it is exactly what you're thinking.
The 1812 Overture, conducted with our tongues.

The rest of the trip, whenever the dog would stop farting, we would tongue-duct. We were giving my brother's best friend's girlfriend a ride to Portland to see him, and I am sure she was never so happy to escape a car ride.

But what a sight we would have made, barrelling up I-5.

Good Times.

Friday the Dorkteenth banners

2007-03-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

*See Factor 10's info for the contest below please*

I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty excited about Friday the Dorkteenth. The Grand Dork Mistress, Factor 10 asked me to make a banner from an awesome pic she found. Factor 10's idea was that if we have a classy banner, more people will want to participate. Here they are, please be sure to post one on your blog when inviting others to join in with Friday the Dorkteenth . (I plan to totally pimp Dorkteenth on my blog with a banner, quoting the rules, and linking back here.) Let me know if they are too HUGE for your blog and I will resize them (or you can edit the size in the html mode, see below).

Just right click and "save as" a banner you like. There are more to choose from here and here, but the one above is the one that Factor 10 really liked.

I really like these too!

If you would like something different to post on your blog when Friday the Dorkteenth rolls around, you can find some Space ball banners here.

The page you will see is thumbnails so to save one in it's original larger size, please click on the thumbnail then
right click/save as.

Also, when uploading to your blog, the image might be automatically resized by your blog. You can edit the size of the banner in the "edit html" tab of your post. In html mode, look for width:400px.

Change 400px to 550px for the banners with the shadow, and from 400px to 516px for the banners without the shadow. That way the banner is showing up in it's true size and it wont look weird.

Also, I made Dork Blogger Space ball buttons for your side bar, you can get them here.
Enjoy!

Start your Dork Engines!

2007-03-18T12:33:00.001-07:00

IT's coming...

A little competitive Dork Off.

Start thinking of your dorkiest moment (yes, you have to choose ONE).

The biggest Dorkfessional Friday happens on

There will be fierce competition.
There will be stories galore.
There will be prizes.
There will be dork glory.

Start prepping your loyal readers now, because they will be able to vote for you, and bring you to greater dorky heights!

Friday, April 13th.

Get your Dork on.

Dorksignal

2007-03-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

If you have arrived here due to a google search, you are home. Wherever else you belong, you are also a dork (or dorkk). Welcome.

Google terms of the day:

Static, all day, no one told me, why me

cute doctor, barfed, how much will it cost to replace his shoes

boss, why me, let one rip, monster.com

stains out, blender, no lid

My Dork Origins Vol II

2007-03-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

I think it's an established fact that being a dork is inherent. It's not something you learn, or become, it's something you are, no?

I observed something the other day that confirmed it for me: dorkism is genetic and, as such, there is very little hope for my children.

Mom and Dad took me and the kids out to Friendly's (The Viking stayed home, sick). Ice cream and pleasant chatter was enjoyed by all, we got to get out of the house, grandparents got to see their grandchildren, all was merry and bright.

As we were leaving, things took a weird turn. Friendly's has one of those wretched toy machines in the vestibule. You know, those ones that for only $2 provide you with the joy and amusement of using a joystick to steer a metal claw around a plexiglass cage to snatch a cheap, ugly, useless toy and drop it down a chute? I don't know what it is about them, but my children are powerless against their charms. Every time we're there, they beg for money for it and every time I say no and roll my eyes.

This time, my mother took pity on them. My Boy offered to pay her back out of his own birthday money and that was too much for her. She coughed up the $2 which Red Headed Snippet stuffed into the slot. That's when the magic began, beautifully executed in tandem by my mother and father.

Mom barked out the orders. The target was carefully selected. Mom manned the joystick. My Boy manned the "drop" button. Dad and Red Headed Snippet were placed strategically in order to pinpoint the exact location of the target, "No, a little more left...no toward you...no back..."

Mom practically quivered with anticipation as she gave the command to My Boy, "NOW!" He hit the drop button forcefully. They all watched, breathless as the claw hit the target dead-on and then, with a slight swish of metal, closed lamely on itself and slid over to the chute, empty.

A gasp settled over the team, but their spirits were undaunted. Again, working together like a well-oiled machine, they aimed at the target. Again the drop was made. Again the claw failed to snag the treasure.

After the fourth attempt, Mom turned to get the manager, "This toy is stuck. He wants this little brown dog and it's stuck." The manager looked at her sideways for a second then said, "I'm sorry, we don't own that machine. I don't even have the key," before turning back to her work of watching ice cream melt.

Peeved, but undeterred, Mom turned to Dad and gave the order, "Shake it loose." Dad, still a beefy guy despite his age and pasta gut, grabbed the machine in a bear hug and rocked it back and forth. I threw my arms over my eyes, anticipating flying sparks and shards of glass, but nothing happened, outside or inside the machine. Brown toy dog was unmoved. I had a vision of a bear shaking a hiker out of a porta-potty as Dad grabbed that machine again.

This time he rocked it so hard it banged against the wall, then the floor, then shimmied forward a few inches. It made quite a racket. I looked over my shoulder to see that all noise and activity in the entire restaurant had ceased. All eyes were on the nutjobs who were trying to break open the vending machine. And the manager looked pissed!

All I can figure is the manager ducked back into the kitchen with a throbbing vein in her forehead and hissed, "SOMEONE get those people out of here before I throw hot oil at them!" because a very nice and calm waitress came presently to assess the situation. Somehow she and I managed to persuade my rabid parents to allow My Boy to just pick another toy. He had been saying, "It's okay, I'll take the blue bunny instead," but they wouldn't hear of it. The bunny proved to be much more accessible than the dog and we finally slinked out of the Friendly's with what little dignity we could scrape off the sides of the toy machine.

It was with the first blast of cold air hitting my face outside that the previously mysterious origins of my dorkiness became obvious. Only a dork would mobilize an entire team with military precision in order to obtain a cheap stuffed toy for her grandson. Only a dork would pick up a vending machine to shake said toy out of it. It all became crystal clear at that moment and I was never more aware of who I am and where I come from.

So, thanks, Mom and Dad. You've made me what I am today.

Kitchen Dorksasters vol 2

2007-03-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

(Following my muppet theme)
Feel free to chime in here, guys!

I bake. I enjoy baking and baked goods. My scale tells me I should lay off on the baked goods. But baked is better than fried, right?

My first solo baking job was chocolate cupcakes. I was very proud of them, but man, were they wierd. And hey, why were those eggs sitting on the counter? What did I get those out fo-- oh. Well, I'll just frost them and no one will know. Hmmm...buttercream frosting--well, I have butter, and I have sugar, and--what do they mean confectioner's sugar? Sugar is sugar, man.
Yeah. Kinda gritty.

I think I was ten? Can you say latchkey kid?

My girlfriend in high school had a very controlling Korean mother, and Lena was never allowed in the kitchen. When her parents went away for the weekend, Lena's big rebellion was that she was going to bake a batch of cookies. She decided on snickerdoodles, and was fine until she got to the cream of tartaar. She couldn't find anything that said cream of tartar, but she did find something creamy that SAID tartar. Tartar Sauce. ack.

*Can I say that my typos almost make them BETTER posts, but I don't want you guys to think I spell that badly!

My Dork Origins...

2007-03-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

My kids were watching old Muppet show episodes on DVD tonight as I did housework, and every time I heard Kermit say "Yaaaaaaaa-a-a-ay!" I just grinned. I love classic Kermit. But please do not bring him in as a guest host for anything on real t.v. anymore. It's not fun for anyone.

I chose this picture because it also includes the original Dork. Was anyone more quintessentially Dorky than Grover? Happily oblivious to the chaos he left in his wake, he really really WANTED to get it right, it just never worked out quite how he planned. Did I just describe myself? Did I just describe you?

We're red-hot now!

2007-03-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

Smiley, and the world smileys with you

2007-03-03T09:16:00.001-08:00

Hello, my fellow Dork Bloggers! About a week ago, I made these... but I have been so dorking busy I haven't had a chance to post them. So, without further ado...
Side bar Dork Bling!

banner/headers:

Enjoy, Live Long and Prosper, and most importantly ... Get your dork on!

See? There are Dorks everywhere...

2007-03-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys- I find these generators and I just can't help myself.

Friday Dorkfessional

2007-03-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

It's a party now!

2007-02-27T20:45:00.000-08:00

Why? Because Mert has joined les grand Dorks.

Okay, this is not an actual photo of Mert, but I couldn't resist it.

Mert is the kind of Dork that KNOWS things. Dark, arcane things like CODE and java stuff, and yeah, that other stuff that CRSE and I sort of mumble and look away when people blog about.

If you are feeling blue that you weren't invited, BREATHE! (ha ha)
Then drop us an Email at the Gmail. That's what it's for, baby!

Where do the Dork Gods Live?

2007-02-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

Mount Dorkus?
Dorkadia?

I dunno, but I think the Slack is there with Conan.

Why do I think that Casual Slack belongs in our Dork Pantheon of Gods?

Because people send her sites like THIS.

Dorkfessional Friday

2007-02-23T19:32:00.000-08:00

Ok Ive kind of dropped the ball on this because i dont have a decent photoshop program. I was feeling a bit guilty? Until i ran across Our own dork jill here. This is beyond description. Just go there and thank me later.

2007-02-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

Kitchen Dorksasters vol. 1

2007-02-19T16:46:00.000-08:00

It was my first grown-up having another couple over for dinner type evening. I had tons of fresh spinach, and decided to make a cream of spinach soup as the first course. The time to puree the hot spinach came, and it went flawlessly, but it was a little runny--I decided I'd use my mom's gravy trick, and thicken it up with a little flour. I knew that the best way to get the lumps out was to shake up a little of your hot stuff with the flour in a tupperware container.

Hmmm, shake shake shake.

fwomp!

The molten hot green puree, mixed with the self-rising flour, had exploded all over me and my formerly clean kitchen. It was one of those Lucy moments. You know the ones, where you take your glasses off and have two white spots in the green face, and just stare at the green dripping from the light fixture. sigh. We went out to mexican.

Heeeere, Dorky, Dorky, Dorky....

2007-02-16T20:05:00.000-08:00

Have a suggestion for a dorksignal? Something to ~~lure~~ rescue unsuspecting Dorks doing hapless google searches?

Email it to us at Dorkbloggers@gmail.com!

Let US Ask You Something...

2007-02-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, I just put those last two in for the lost souls in the googlesphere. It's like the bat signal, but for Dorks. If you have googled those words, where ever else your search takes you, you belong here as well. Okay, go take care of your emergency first, but then come back. You need us.

Thirteen Dorky Pleasures #3

2007-02-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

1) Forcing other people into guessing games, regardless of whether or not you are the guesser. As annoying as it is to the other person? Its so worth the challenge!

2) Scripting to movies. Autistic kids do it and we give them treatment plans. We do it? And we consider ourselves entertaining as hell! Give yourself an extra point if you script Sci-fi movies.

3) Sharpening pencils. Sure we all have our preferences, manual, electric etc. But show me one dork out there that does not secretly LOVE the experience of sharpening that pencil. It makes a person feel VIRILE.

4) Playing video games on your cell-phone. Surprisingly, I did not realize this pleasure was dork related. I had to be told. Well mocked.

5) Peeling the apple without breaking the skin. I know that is sooo sleepless in seattle but still, like the pencil sharpeners, I defy any dork who peels to tell me that they dont feel a slight sense of challenge when starting that apple. I have ZERO hand eye coordination and I still feel that inner stir...

6) Having the remote control for the television in a room full of people and savoring the power. This can also be extended to changing the thermostat or air conditioner surreptitiously...

7) Waiting for the mail carrier just in case they are delivering something delightful for you. Even though you are 36 years old and all indications point to another box full of collection notices and bills....

8) Choosing the cell phone ring. Ask yourself? are you the dork that has to play every single ring when you get a new cell phone? Just finding that right one that appeals to your senses but does not communicate "im a loser". (tell me im not the only dork that does this)

9) Pippajo's Harry Potter Countdown Header I LOVE you Pippa! You are class dork baby!

10) Opening a new product. Does everything in the world not seem fresher when you rip open a new box of long coveted cereal?

11) Being more excited about kid's toys at Christmas than the kids who get them. Especially if you try to hog the toy from the kid.

12) New small appliances. Picking them out. Purchasing them. Engaging the cashier in clearly unwelcome dialogue about your excitement. Trying out the product for the first time....

13) I cant even believe I came up with 12! I call my dorks out for number 13

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

2007-02-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

Just two dorky valentine memories

2007-02-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

1. I think it was our second valentine's day together that my husband mistook "dont get me anything" for "im not even gonna make you a crappy card on a napkin". Needless to say a fight ensued. The next day he got me a card that said "my heart is with you, on easter...and always".

2. This little gem just came back to me: years ago sitting at a kitchen table with a not mentioned by name fellow dorkblogger (hehehe) sorting through candy hearts so she only had suggestive and hot ones to give out at the bar later.

Come on people, dorky valentine moments?

Ack...dork remorse

2007-02-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

Quick call out for subjects for the tt! If not i have a back up idea no worries! (thirteen dorky reasons I never got my crap together this week!) In the meantime, stay tuned for a few dorky valentine memories.....

Dorkfessional Friday

2007-02-09T09:26:00.000-08:00

She can back this up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

awww Mert you are a goddess of dork! (and yes..yes i think i can speak for both of us when we say we'd LOVE help!)

2007-02-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

Full Credit for Come to the Dork Side must be given to one of our new Dorkbloggers, Mert. It's been burning a hole in my brain since I read it, but good lord I'm too tired to hunt down a spaceballs or darth graphic.

Last call for dorkfessionals for the week!

2007-02-08T22:34:00.000-08:00

Tell us your dorky confession...Bring on da dork bring on da funk....dorkbloggers@gmail.com

Thursday 13 # 2

2007-02-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

13) An unnamed Dork has a crush on her Boss...

12) Adam Sandler.

11) Oliver Platt

10) Jesus (Oh, Gretty, I love ya so much for including the birthday cakes!)

9) Jean Luc Picard

8) More than one person espoused to certain blogging type individuals have confessed to an abiding affection for Betty White. tee hee.

7) William Fichtner (he was in Armageddon as the military guy, he was in the tv show Grace Under Fire, and he was the sherriff/police chief in the tv show Invasion)

6) Peter Jennings.

5) Al Gore.

4) Elvis Costello.

3)Sweet Tommy Brokaw.

2)Whoever invented the Sonicare toothbrush.

1) The number one Dork Crush seems to be Conan O'Brien. Conan may be the first Lovegod in the Dorkblogging Pantheon.

Linky has become Demon Posessed, apologies for no linky box--please leave us a comment and we'll post your link!

celebrity dork crushes (happy birthday sweet tommy)

2007-02-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

Ive heard we are having some trouble with comments. Jen and I are working on developing a poll feature (in expected dork fashion)But low impulse control compels me to ask: What is YOUR biggest dork crush? Tell us in the comment section or send us an email at dorkbloggers@gmail.com. Perhaps we can start a dorkiest crush feature based on this?

Five.

2007-02-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

Apparently this is the how many times during the superbowl the average dork can recite:

Wendy?
Yes Lisa
Is the water warm enough?
Yes Lisa
Shall we begin?
Yes Lisa

before guests in her own house will threaten to hurt her.

You may NOT be a dorkblogger if:

2007-02-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

Dorkbloggers may not be the home for you if:

Either of the above graphics appear anywhere on your MySpace Page (Thirteen is OBVIOUSLY too young to be on the internet), or if you had to ask who was pictured in the previous post.

And can I add? Typos? Dorkblogger all the way. Deliberate misspellings for "street cred"? Go back to MySpace. Is that wrong of me to say?

2007-02-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

New Features!

2007-02-04T11:15:00.000-08:00

Did you like dorkfessionals? Why not submit your dorkfession on to the email address on the side? Each week we will post the dorkfessions on dorkfessional friday. Of course you can be anonymous or you could show your true dork colors to the world!

Another idea we've been tossing around is the featured dork of the week. Do you want to be featured? Send us an email telling us what would make you a good dork of the week!

And yes we would welcome guest posts! If you want to do a guest post, send it in an email and we will introduce you as a guest poster and put you up!

This IS my Saturday night.

2007-02-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

The Second Button

2007-02-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

Oooooh, you want it?

Paste this for your very own button!

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"$$img src="http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u308/Jennfactor/dork2b1.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"$$/a$

$=<
$=>
$=<
$=>
$=<
$=>

Okay, My Dorklings, I don't know that I can make it any simpler than that. You may have to appeal to someone who DOES know code if that color coded substitution guide can't help you.

CRAP! It doesn't work! hold on....

See what I get for being snotty and condescending? I fixed it--it works now, and I'd like the thank the Cosmos for the Karmic Bitchslap. I won't be feeling superior again any time soon.

On a happier note, this graphic was a gift from Jen at Casual Slack.
Be sure to go see her and give her some love!

The alternative, button shaped button would be like this:

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"$$img src="http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u308/Jennfactor/dork2b2.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"$$/a$

Friday Dorkfession:

2007-02-01T20:08:00.000-08:00

Thursday 13 #1--Signs that you need a Button!

2007-01-31T18:13:00.000-08:00

13 signs you might need a DorkBloggers button:

1) If you've ever had to go coatless in the winter because every time you put your winter coat on you couldnt figure out how to get the sleeve back in the arm without flailing around like a restrained mental patient .

2) If you've ever had to explain damage to anything using the phrase "the puddle of coffee in my car."

3) If your friends use your name as a verb or action word: as in- you've pulled a jen or you've been crse'd.

4) If you've somehow created complicated avoidant relationships with everyday service providers like the mail carrier or the guy who runs the drive thru at the pharmacy.

5) If you've ever stopped a line or the flow of traffic due to some sort of awkward behavior on your part (this can be anything from dropping the milk in the grocery store to finding yourself having to go back and overexplain to a cashier why you accidentally told them you loved them after making small talk during your transaction)

6) If you've ever had to dry off or scrape off a bill, check or credit card before using it again.

7) If you've ever had someone come up to you and say, "I saw your car door hanging open in the parking lot, I was going to shut it but then I realized it was your car and god knows what you have going on in there so I didn't want to touch it before I told you."

8) If friends, co-workers and or loved ones cringe when you put your stuff near theirs because they are afraid you will spread your disorder to them.

9) If you've ever accidentally harmed yourself, set a fire, created flooding, or glued yourself to something because of a bad decision.

10)If you've ever created non work related spreadsheets, graphs or charts to prove a point about something.

11) If you've ever had a conversation during which you gradually develop the sinking feeling that youve somehow completely inadvertantly made a pass at the person and there is no way to undo it. (this is especially bad when it happens with someone like an elderly woman or your insurance agent)

12) If you've ever purchased something you did not need, solely because you like the packaging

13) If you've had to comment on the comment you just posted.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

2007-01-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

Stay tuned!

2007-01-30T19:04:00.000-08:00

Jen and I are feverishly working on developing ideas to make this more than just a badge or button. We want this to be your own personal dorkhaven. Some stuff we have come up with includes celebridorks (Jen's phrase LOVE IT) Dorks in History. Dorky moments in time. And spots where we can maybe have you folks participate in a featured dork of the week? Or top dorky moments? Or perhaps even dorkfessions? Feedback folks! UNITED WE ~~STAND~~ er fumble with our belongings tripping on ourselves and knocking things over.....

I'm sorry, Big O!

2007-01-29T18:48:00.000-08:00

So It begs the question--Maybe parents really are to blame? In giving my son a haircut that made him look like Friar Tuck, was I perpetuating dorkdom?

(The hair on top stood straight up, there was no chance of bangs like Turnip, so I just cut around the edges. It probably would have helped to use a bowl.)

dorkbloggers kids....

2007-01-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

Ok so far we have:
1. wee mullet (complete with wee failed rock band and wee drinking problem)
2. Monks gone wild (the friars got into the wine cellar and got a little crazy with the scissors)
3. Um...not to mock your kid but....
Feel free to vote on your favorite and stay tuned for big O's first coif.

Can I get a witness?

2007-01-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

You know, online, you can claim to be anyone you want. People often do.

Bambi469, who enjoys spankings and pink champagne? She's the cross-eyed kid from walgreens who sold you wart cream last week.
DonJuan4U, who enjoys long walks on the beach and working as a personal trainer to the stars? He's scratching his beer belly, adjusting his astrological medallions and splashing on a little more wild badger musk, before he makes his run to 7-11 to troll for chicks.

I looked at the blogging collectives, but I could never find one that didn't feel like false advertising. There are lots of mama based blogrolls. I am a mama. But I am more than a mama, and quite frankly, not cool enough to claim membership to some of these. They blog with an air of urbane sophistication, and polished wit that I cannot begin to fathom. There are faith based collectives, or techno-babble societies...again, I am out of the loop.

I could join, and pretend, but I'd forever be afraid of being cast out, having my button revoked, and revealed as an imposter. Quite frankly, I started blogging as an outlet, and if I have to fake it here, too, then I've defeated the whole purpose.

Dorkbloggers will never revoke your button. Because everyone has those dorky moments (okay, some more than others), we just declare it upfront. You don't have to be a total dork (although I am), you just have to be familiar with the thought process--it can go one of two ways:
1> I cannot believe I just did/said that, maybe no one will notice.
2> I cannot wait to tell (insert best friend's name here) that I did/said that. What a dork I am!

In case number one, you have yet to embrace your inner dork. It's time to let go and just roll with it!
In case number two, you've probably already blogged about it, may even have had a t-shirt made. You, my friend, need a dorkbloggers button.

qualifications

2007-01-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

I think there may be some misunderstanding about how one qualifies for dorkbloggers. All you really need to do is accept your inner dorkiness. And blog. Say you know a lot of java script but cant recite lines from all six star wars episodes on command? You my friend are still a dork. Say you know zero about writing code or web design and nothing from sci-fi but you embarrass yourself in public on a regular basis? Welcome dorky one. Youve found your home.

First Button!

2007-01-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

The first Button, provided By the lovely Denise at Moodswing Creations, can be put on your blog using the following code:

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com"$$img src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/DeniseTN/dork1.gif"$$/a$

Just swap the $$$'s for <><><>.

OR

Can be had by typing in this:

$a href="http://dorkbloggers.blogspot.com"$$img src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/DeniseTN/button2.gif"$$/a$

You get the idea, now...

The graphic came from Cool Text--have you been there? Much fun...

The Cult of Chuck

2007-01-27T14:10:00.001-08:00

You must know that as Dorks, we adore the Cult of Chuck. Jen would like to add that the Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual can probably fill in for Chuck at anytime.

Not familiar witht the cult of Chuck?
Here are some examples:

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
If You Have 5 Dollars And Chuck Norris Has 5 Dollars… Chuck Norris Has More Money Than You.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

How Cool are You?

2007-01-27T12:28:00.000-08:00

Because damn, I'm too lazy for a blogroll yet!

2007-01-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

And I feel like you guys should have a button before we make it permanent!

Welcome to Our world!

2007-01-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

What do you do if you are MORE than just a Mommy (or not a mommy at all), but less than the web definition of a geek (you know all the words to the Star Trek intro, but nothing about javascript or any other code)?

You, my friend, may be a DORK.

But Jen, you ask, why do I need to be put into a box at all?

If you want blog traffic, they want to know who you are and what you stand for--I can't help you with that. But if you want a cool button to proudly proclaim your dorkiness, I am working on one...

Please leave all suggestions for graphics in comments, but let's not get, um, graphic.

'Kay?

I was thinking a unicorn might be a nice dorky start, but hit me with some alternatives, because I may not be THAT much of a dork.

Should Dorkbloggers have a slogan, and if so, what?
	We Are Dork
	Come to the Dork Side
	Bring on da Dork, Bring on Da Funk
	It's Dorktastic!
	Imagine the Dorkability...
	None of These
	Smoke Hair Fire
	Superglue Accident Body Part

Free polls from Pollhost.com

DorkBloggers-Come to the Dork Side...

Conan...Shatner...and a Poem

Oh, the shame.

I'm dorky for Spock ;)

How do I know I'm a dork?

I heart Chewbroccoli.

In honor of Little O's current favorite Joke:

okay, more of an ass than a dork.

Dork offspring, nature, and, well, boogers of course

I feel so dirty...

Dorkus Pinkslipus

Dear Al Gore...

Even dorks have bad hair days ;)

I blame Stumble.

On Michigan and fruit flies......

Just borrowing from the wonder that is Stumble...

Happy Birthday!

Dear Conan-

meow.

Bring out Yer DORK! Bring out Yer DORKK!!!

I heart dorkiness in all forms.

Okay, it needs to be addressed.

Things you should know:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Dorkblogggers!

My Honey says this confirms my Dorkk Status.

Dorky AND gassy. Who would have thunk it.

dorky versus

Dorky Friday.......

A rather disturbing post.....not for the squeamish...:)

Could I BE more dorky?- And things not to say in front of the family.

On Dorkiness and kitchen fires...:)

Wordless Wednesday- You know it!

Fashion Dorksaster vol 2

I dork, therefore I am.

So let me ask Y'all...

Ah, my dorklings, our first contest draws to a close...

And the winner is....

The LAST DAY

dork counts

technical difficulties.

And we are back

squeeee!

The time has come to GET YOUR DORK ON! ***New poll above this post***

Virtual Prom , baby!

White N' Nerdy

But ASH, I love that word!

Dork origins, Mert style

Dork Origins, again.

Friday the Dorkteenth banners

Start your Dork Engines!

Dorksignal

My Dork Origins Vol II

Kitchen Dorksasters vol 2

My Dork Origins...

We're red-hot now!

Smiley, and the world smileys with you

See? There are Dorks everywhere...

Friday Dorkfessional

It's a party now!

Where do the Dork Gods Live?

Dorkfessional Friday

Kitchen Dorksasters vol. 1

Heeeere, Dorky, Dorky, Dorky....

Let US Ask You Something...

Thirteen Dorky Pleasures #3

Just two dorky valentine memories

Ack...dork remorse

Dorkfessional Friday

Last call for dorkfessionals for the week!

Thursday 13 # 2

celebrity dork crushes (happy birthday sweet tommy)

Five.

You may NOT be a dorkblogger if:

New Features!

This IS my Saturday night.

The Second Button

Friday Dorkfession:

Thursday 13 #1--Signs that you need a Button!

Stay tuned!

I'm sorry, Big O!

The time has come to GET YOUR DORK ON! New poll above this post